Marriage, a Thought-Provoking Phenomenon.

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

These two popular terms spinsterhood and bachelorhood simply connote singleness; in relative terms, a life without marital commitment. This status is viewed differently by each individual, just as other social statuses. The experiences in this famous and popular social status are ultimately personal, cannot, and should never be compared.

Some individuals find singleness very comfortable and interesting, while it is depressing and lonely for others. Many prefer to take their time, enjoy the singleness to the fullest as if the unpalatable commitment and impossible responsibilities of marriage have somehow been revealed to them.

Some people believe in early commitment to the blissful marital life, they are the ones that like to make hay while the sun shines.

Not leaving out those that get caught up in the web as results of life’s happenings.

All these categories set up on the same adventure and receive the common blessing and best wishes for the new life decisions.

They all have something in common; Lack of Experience!

They are all at a disadvantage because there are no blueprints for this common project called marriage.

May I kindly inform you that this isn’t another article about the do’s and don’ts of marriage, which are said to guarantee success in marriage. Permit this article to rather be a thought-provoking text on issues that concern the process of establishing success in marriage. This makes me ask these questions; how is success achieved in marriage when:

  • There are no Manuals

I find it very interesting that marriage life can be a success even though there are no manuals to guide the individuals involved. It is ultimately the responsibility of the couples to experiment, learn unlearn, and finally settle for what works for them. Choices, decisions, actions, and inactions of couples determine the fate of their union to a larger extent.

  • Some individuals depend on laid down templates

Many lay the foundation of their marriage on the templates made available to them by their predecessors. These mostly are their parents, friends, and or family members. Such marriages don’t usually live to see the light of the day based on the kind of ephemeral foundations they chose to build on.

How is success in marriage then achieved?

  • Through Love?

How much love? Is love enough to ascertain a successful marriage? I wouldn’t say so because, from personal experience and stories that fly around, this love we profess is just mainly attraction to the other person’s attractive outlook and their friendly characters. It is not deep and strong enough to weather marital storms. Who is ready to love an individual who adds no value to them?

  • Commitment?

No matter the amount of commitment you pack in your luggage on the marital journey, I don’t see a fruitful outcome if all you have to back yourself up is the huge level of your commitment. What you term commitment may mean nothing to a partner who has decided to give up on you because you lack in other areas that are valuable to them.

  • Tolerance?

I find this term ‘tolerance’ very powerful because nothing can be achieved in a relationship and human coexistence if tolerance is missing. This rich feature is very essential in marriage even though the excessive level of tolerance brings nothing but disappointment and rejection. If tolerance is not properly monitored then one is at the edge of being taken for granted.

  • Money?

Honestly, lack of money in marriage is not palatable at all. It is the sole responsibility for marital depression and disorder. But hey, I have seen and heard about many couples who can boast of riches enough to last them for their lifetime. But they have marital issues so much that the money cannot get them any lasting solution.

  • Happiness?

How does this even work? Do you get married to get happiness or you create happiness around your marriage to sustain it? Socrate once wrote: “ By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher”. Funny right?

  • Friendship?

Some experienced folks coined this quote “it is better to marry your best friend” This must have worked for some, nevertheless it doesn’t mean that best friends don’t have ugly episodes that may threaten their flawless relationship. But just as Friedrich Nietzsche wrote: “It is not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages” Friendship is necessary for marriage but cannot suffice on its own.

The list goes on and on, from forgiveness to longevity of the marriage up till trust.

As mentioned earlier, what works for one may fail the other. At the same time some issues are relatable.

Nonetheless the positive effects of best practices in marriage cannot be over-emphasized. A copy of an approach that brings about a positive outcome can work wonder in many cases.

Here are some questions to ponder on:

When is marriage considered unsuccessful?

When constant fighting and arguments become the order of the day?

When separation is in view?

After divorce?

Please feel free to drop your views in the comment section.

Is the marital journey worth it at all?

I agree with you if you say yes, and you have every right to your opinion if your response is negative.

Make your mistakes and learn from them. It doesn’t have to be costly though, you understand?

No one knows it all! We all make decisions and deliver judgments based on the perspectives made available by the almighty creator.

Attention! Life’s issues are not just black and white. A right may not be right, wrong may not be wrong completely.

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Intercultural Educator|Event, Program and Project Coordinator| Writer|

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Oluwatosin Olajide

Oluwatosin Olajide

Intercultural Educator|Event, Program and Project Coordinator| Writer|

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